Belonging: the search for home
BELONGING: this word has leapt into sharp focus for me today.
I’d read a social media post by author of ‘Joyful’ Ingrid Fetell Lee about a period of transition she had been experiencing. This too struck a chord as I’m adapting to personal changes in my own life. But as I read her words, it was her reference to ‘belonging’ that resonated most.
It’s always exciting and slightly inexplicable when an idea or a word suddenly takes on new significance – and for a couple of hours I was buzzing with the fascination of exploring exactly what this word held for me.
Have you ever experienced this? In many ways, it’s a naturally-occurring version of the process I use to uncover my word for the year. I know there’s a secret to discover and meaning to grasp that will serve as a touchstone for the months ahead.
So what does the word BELONGING contain that so clearly attracted my attention – and how did I go about extracting its gold?
Doodling it out
I started by grabbling paper and coloured pens and wrote BELONGING at the centre of the page. I allowed my imagination to draw out different aspects of this word’s meaning, using free flowing association and more conscious answers to the question ‘what else?’
This technique frees the more creative side of the brain to do its stuff and also uncovers different prompts to squeeze every ounce of meaning from the topic. I find this fun and I always feel ‘in flow’ when working like this. You may find different approaches, including a thesaurus, will extract what you need.
‘true belonging only happens when we present our own authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self acceptance’. Brené Brown
Defining it
If you need some prompts to open up all aspects of the word and what it means for you, these ideas should set your thoughts in motion:
1. BELONGING as a Value
When I work with clients who are seeking a new career that really expresses who they are, we always spend quality time exploring their personal values. These encapsulate the essence of who they are and what they value most highly. Interestingly, ‘belonging’ frequently pops up in their lists of top values.
Often, my clients tell me this is singularly missing in their work life and also that family and friends are very important to their happiness. So if belonging feels important to you, it’s definitely worth considering how it’s already present in your life – and where it’s missing.
‘belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to BE who we are.’ Brené Brown
2. Belonging in your life
What does it mean to belong? For many people, it’s about sharing time with like-minded people or with your closest family. We can be ourselves with people we love and trust and who we feel are part of our tribe.
If you doodled out the meanings of ‘belonging’ you’ll uncover what this means to you. A great question to ask yourself is:
Where in my life do I feel I really belong?
And if this aspect of your life suffers through lack of time and attention, you may need to think about making some changes.
3. Belonging in your work
When you work with like-minded people on projects that express your shared interests, values or purpose, and that use your favourite skills, everything feels harmonious and really sings with meaning. Think about when or where you have felt this kind of belonging and how far you are experiencing it in your current work.
To understand how important this aspect of your working life is to you amongst all the other factors you prize, try asking this question:
What would you be prepared to give up in order to achieve this kind of belonging?
4. Belonging as location
The right place can be inspiring – and the wrong place can drain you dry.
Where do you feel most at home? Does a walk on the beach leave you buzzing with energy or does a city environment do it for you? Where do you feel most relaxed or most comfortable? Where could you truly thrive?
This isn’t just about geographical location, it’s also about the kind of work environment and atmosphere in which you can flourish. Think about places where you have felt at your best and measure them against your current home and workspace. What’s working and what would you like to change?
5. Belonging right here right now
Why has this word grabbed you at this point in your life? Do you feel a sad absence of belonging or has its true meaning recently come into focus for you? When an idea taps you on the shoulder and won’t go away (like ‘belonging’ did for me this week) it’s worth taking time to go deeper.
What is this word saying about what’s missing in your life and what is emerging as a pressing need? Things change, we experience different phases in our lives, and perhaps a word like this is merely drawing your attention to what matters and what needs your attention now.
Don’t ignore it because it has an important message for you. And if you look the other way, you’re also refusing the chance for greater fulfillment or happiness.
My takeaways
This week, I’ve discovered a lot about where I belong – and with whom – and why this is going to be an important focus for the next phase of my life. I realize that having spent 25 years overseas and having no place from my childhood where I really felt rooted, that this is a priority for me now. I’m ready to put down roots and build a home where I can flourish. That feels exciting to me and will help me steer towards my true north as I prepare to start again.
These words from Brené Brown sum up what ‘belonging ‘ means to me:
‘Being ourselves means sometimes having to find the courage to stand alone, totally alone…/.. it’s not something we achieve or accomplish with others; it’s something we carry in our heart. Once we belong thoroughly to ourselves and believe thoroughly in ourselves, true belonging is ours.’
If you’d like to explore a word that won’t be ignored, or simply get clearer on your values and the kind of work that would give you greater purpose, just get in touch for a free 30-minute chat.