CHOICE: when you're dissatisfied at work, how to regain autonomy and choose a better direction in which you can thrive
‘The most common form of despair is not being who you are’
Soren Kierkegaard
One of the most common reasons clients contact me, is because they are feeling hopelessly stuck. What was once a satisfying role has somehow become an energy-draining misfit. It’s just not ‘them.’
I know this feeling well because it’s something I’ve experienced myself. And when that dull pressure reaches a point of no return, something has to give.
‘The longer we yield to pressure, the harder it becomes to harness the motivation to restore your autonomy.’
‘Shatterproof: How to Thrive in a World of Constant Chaos’ - Tasha Eurich
This is the point at which clients say: ‘Life is too short for this - what else can I do that will wake me up, inspire and fulfil me?’
As Tasha Eurich says, it’s time to ‘craft choice’. If you’re wondering what exactly that might look like, I have some ideas!
Crafting Choice
‘The greater our expectations for choice, the more jarring it is when that choice is thwarted’ (Eurich)
As we grow, learn, and as our life circumstances change in all kinds of ways, we find some things no longer satisfy us. If one of these things is our work, it can be horribly disorientating. After all, this is one source of stability in our lives, the way in which we support ourselves, our families, and in some ways, our future. So it is not surprising that when we wake up to the extent of our career dissatisfaction, we also awaken a myriad of fears:
If I change careers now, who will employ me?
What else can I possibly do?
How will I pay the bills if I have start again?
These powerful inner voices can keep us stuck for months or years. But if the alternative to taking an educated risk, choosing fulfilment and alignment, greater purpose and more meaningful use of strengths and experience, is stagnation, or worse, burnout, the choice becomes urgent as well as important.
Choosing yourself
One approach to ‘crafting choice’ is to get super clear on who you are at this period of your life, and what you really need to be fulfilled and happy.
1. What’s your idea of success?
An easy starting point is to make time to think about what you’re really aiming for - what would a successful career look like for you? Download this free guide to help you put into words what you’re looking for at this stage in your life.
When you identify these factors, you have probably also uncovered values you hold dear. It’s quite likely that some (if not all) of these are being denied expression in your current work situation.
That’s why values are at the heart of the work I do with career changers.
When you know what you truly value, you can start thinking about how you can activate that value at work and in your life as a whole.
This enables you to start behaving with greater intention - and best of all, you’re no longer stuck!
2. What makes work meaningful?
Another key part of feeling fulfilled at work and in life, is in understanding your personal sense of purpose. Many people long for work where they can see they have really made a difference. Is that you?
How might you be able to expand that in your current work? Do you need to think about a different work environment, different customers or clients, or a completely different career?
3. What skills do you love using?
When time disappears because you’re working on a project that totally fascinates you and allows you to to use your talents and expertise at just the right level, that’s when you’re truly ‘in flow’.
How often do you feel like that at work? How could you get more of this wonderful and productive state? Or do you experience this in a hobby or interest outside of work? Could this become the core of a new chapter in your work life?
Knowing which needs are being unmet
What’s missing in your work life?
Might it be autonomy, flexibility, recognition, challenge, respect, integrity, or another key value?
We all have psychological needs that must be met if we are to feel happy and fulfilled. Tasha Eurich identifies 3 main categories of unmet psychological needs:
Confidence
Choice
Connection
When you’re feeling stagnant and unfulfilled at work, it’s likely that the main cause lies in one or more of these categories.
CONFIDENCE: when work is monotonous and you remain unchallenged, it’s easy to feel your confidence diminishing and to start thinking alternatives are limited. Confidence is also affected when work is chaotic, over-demanding, when criticism is unfair, or our efforts are not appreciated. But don’t worry, this can be changed - clarity is often the first step towards a return of confidence in our abilities and the energy required to make changes
CHOICE: our sense of active choice can be threatened when:
something we value is removed or under threat
our opinions are ignored
our choices are denied
we’re forced to work against our true values
we feel our voice is never heard
we are too frequently engaged with ‘shoulds’ rather than ‘wants’
CONNECTION: when we’re ignored, unsupported, humiliated, or treated unfairly, we’re not getting the kind of connection we need to thrive.
What would be your ideal work environment and what kind of connection do you really need to do your best work?
Can you see which of these three groups of unmet needs might hold the key to your current feeling of career dissatisfaction?
Exercise your choice
When you’re feeling stuck or lost and can’t see a different and better career path, one choice you can definitely make is to start answering some of the questions I’ve raised here. Set aside a few minutes of quiet reflection - you deserve to give this problem some time.
What comes up? What do you really need to thrive?
When you synch your actions with your values and needs, you’re on your way to greater fulfilment. Do this, and you’ll be trading what Tasha Eurich calls ‘mustification’ for motivation - and you’ll be reconnecting with your true self. That is the authentic you who is best equipped to write the next chapter of your work life - one where you will be playing to your strengths, and aligning your work to your values and purpose.
I hope that’s given you some places to start. But if you feel you need a hand to dive in deeper, contact me via the button below to set up a free 30-minute career chat.
Change is possible, and reading this might be exactly the nudge you need to unlocking that brighter future.